Being a fiction Writer is like being a ventriloquist. You have all these offensive things to say, so you make the little guy on your lap say them.

A fictional story. Not Venting, honest

"I'm going to tell a story. I'm a guy, though," Said Miss Melville, the last part in passing. and it brought nothing but a very unattractive dumbfounded stare from Norton, as though he was watching her lips move without any audio and was straining to determine what she was trying to say.
Melville was overcome with the urge to take an hour explaining what she had just said but resisted on the reasoning that for someone of Norton's capacity, it would do more harm than good. It would also offend him more than what she was already planning to say.
"I'm a guy, ok, and I have this car." Norton's face brightened at the mention of a car, but otherwise maintained the same look of stupidity it so regularly displayed. Melville was highly distracted by many new observations about how ugly her friend was, noticing new unsightliness in his features, but she struggled to focus on telling the story.
"I like driving my car to visit my friends. I also really like working on my car, so sometimes I do both. I go visit my friends to be in their company, and sometimes I work on my car in their garages."
"Giiiiiiirl, you don't know anything about cars...."
Melville reflected another moment on how much she hated Norton and his ugly red face in that instant, and continued.
"Let me remind you this is a story. And I'm a guy. All my friends are girls. So I go and talk to them while I work on it because I am really proud of it--" She stopped herself before he could say some platitude in King James-ian about pride. "--That is, because I am really happy with it and want them to see and learn from all that I have done. So I open it up and say, 'look, this wasn't right so I fixed it. I put this new thing on. bla bla bla."
Norton's patience had well exceeded its limit in the first three words and now he took this opportunity to cut her off and launch into his own self-righteous lecture.
"Now, now now, Melly, what you gotta see is that--"
"Shut up, Norton. I'm sick of you interrupting me. If you had any respect for me at all you would let me finish."
Norton looked dumber and uglier than ever as he indignantly shrugged and put his hands up while he rolled his eyes, as if to say, "fine, I in all my great tolerance will continue to indulge your feminine stupidity, and for this you owe me, and I looking for saying 'I told you so,' later."
"Sometimes I just go to visit my friends, and I just park my car," Melville continued. "Sometimes I look at the car and then leave it alone, and sometimes I actually work on it. And what I find best is when my friends and I both work on our cars together, and we can help each other.
"But I have these crazy friends. When I go to see one of these friends, as soon as I park, she comes running out and starts taking my car apart. I have a bunch of people like this. I want to show her what I've changed, and she says she'll fix it for me as though I haven't just finished telling her that I already fixed it. And the only reason I showed it to her was because I thought she could learn from it. But these girls don't get that I'm trying to help them, they just think I want their help. I can't even visit them without them trying to rip open my car and make it better. So I end up avoiding them."
Norton's misshapen eyes showed some spark of understanding, or something. Melville really wanted to slap him silly, except he already was silly, so she wanted to slap some sense into him.
"And it's sad," Melville concluded, "Because every year I go to these long conferences and automotive training things, specifically so I can help laypeople like them learn. Plus I really do want to talk to them, and I have a lot to say, but they miss out on all of my conversation and all of my auto expertise because they see me coming and go straight to messing with my car, ignoring me entirely."
Norton knew this was his cue to do what gave him the most satisfaction, talking down to Melville and giving her advice. But to everyone's amazement, she stopped him.
"Well, honey, I guess you should--" he started.
"No, Norton, you are that girl." Melville snapped at him. She couldn't think of anything else to say after that. And she didn't want to dramatically walk out.
Then is occurred to her that since she was trying to emulate Nathan, she should do what he did and explain a little.
"Norton, I have already made the mistakes you are making now. I've been here a while and I've gone through some training to help you. Regardless of how badly I communicate, it would be to your advantage to act like what I have been trying to tell you for three years might actually be worth hearing."