When I first stir awake, that is like my last chance to get out of danger. It's my window of opportunity to escape. Otherwise, I am suddenly washed over by a wave of thoughts I'd rather not have. And it's not just those moments of awakening. It seems whenever i am home, they start creeping up, and all my neural activity floats in the same direction, slowly. All of my idle moments can suddenly be flooded with it.
I think about those guys, the good one and the bad one. I can concentrate on nothing productive. I visualize and imagine and plan, and even when i want to stop I don't. because the other impulses are stronger and I forget everything else.
The thoughts are there before I fall asleep, too. That's why I don't like my bed. I prefer to sleep on the couch. For a while I could sleep out there and not get those malproductive ideas, but now they've snuck over there, too. It'' somehow not as bad there, though. well, anyway, that was a rambling way of saying I think about sex too much, especially in my apartment, and I don't know what it is about the place that inspires it.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment