looks like ima move sooner'n I thought

So, any color text looks good with black background, even pukey teal.
eh. After my discussion of the pros and cons of getting hit by an ice cream truck, which was my prime thought for the day, I don't really have much to say. I guess that's the problem with having multiple blogs. Oh well. I think I'll even post on ym third blog if I have time, which I won't. That one's my quiet time blog. This one's my...uh...major spiritual thought wrestling blog and the other one is my dream and randome thought blog.
So, my thought it that I realized that I really am recovering from dysfunction, surprisingly. Mainly I've been impriving on the eating disorder thing. Like, I still see stuff, like a crap load of cookies we ended up not needing and I was like, the old, dysfunctional me would have eated every freakin last one of these just cuz they were there. I did eat more than would have been good, and I still eat stuff that tastes horrible, but I have a lot more reason to it, like I actually stop when I'm full. That's huge
And I can still take correction. That is also huge.
The other huge thing is that I was like, uncontrollably happy today. Like, i was on fire with joy for no reason. It was awesome. there was a lot of crap going down but I was like, I don't care. I mean I care but I'm going to release it almost as if I don't care because it isn't going to hurt me in the end.
A lot of times I say things don't matter or I don't care, but what I really mean is i release the problems and the people that cause them because I'm free from anger.
Yeah, I think today I was freed from my anger. I had prayed and prayed about it and I was just so happy It was like I would never be angry again. That was quite a feeling. It was the best feeling ever.
Let's see, when have I felt like this.
There was after my brother gave that talk and I learned how I was being used to save others. That was an awesome feeling. Then there was the feeling I had from the live show in April because I was really doing something for God. Then there was that whole period afterwards of my birthday and I was kinda down when I saw my sister and then up and down and all the love stuff, oh and that stupid crush on that guy and all those conferences. Aw man. That was actually a bad time because I was decieving myself. Oh, then there was working with the kids and a lot of inability to relate to a bunch of guys. that was also bad.
And then there was all the joyful anticipation of SLT and then SLT itself, and now the post-SLT waves of new joy from newly experiencing more of God. That is cool. Just the things that are allowed to release now that I've finally realized what's really true about me. Wow.

Ok, but there's still the matter of the guy I currently have a crush on. The problem with crushing is that you always think, it must be for some good reason, maybe this is not the one, but afterwards, you think, he was not the one. I'm not even sure there is one for me. I would probably be fine with either findinf him or having noone. What I would personally prefer goes back and forth all the time.
What I really want though is to go through a time of not having anyone on my mind and being totally prepared to be alone and to understand and be ok with just myself. because right now I'm buried under a lotta crap. That's what I've wanted for a long time.
so it's settled. I'm not going to like this guy anymore. If God has anything in mind, then it will be most obedient of me to let it happen when He wants it and for now let God take care of my personal issues.
I've known this was what I need to do for a long time. God will tell me when to move on.
That's good. I can rest with that. It's just the follow through that is hard.



WHoops, and my other thought is that ima move to a new residential location soon. there. that's the moving thing in the title. It wasn't a reference to the other kind of move, unless I suddenly have more of the gift of prophesy than I thought I did. Wouldn't surprise me at all.